I ran across this video on treating kids as “special”. I thought the focus on “overpraise” was pretty good. But why is it that we have to import people from Britain to give us accurate feedback?
Archive for the 'Parenting' Category
“You’re not so special” video
Published June 17, 2009 Parenting , The Narcissism Epidemic 2 CommentsMore princess parenting in the WSJ
Published June 13, 2009 Marketing/branding , Parenting 2 CommentsThere was a nice little article in the Wall Street Journal on “princess parenting” by Megan Basham, author of “Beside every successful man: Getting the life you want by helping your husband get ahead”. (She was nice enough to plug our book – thanks!) The tidbit that shocked me the most in the story was a reference to princess parenting in the Christian community.
Sadly, even believing Christians are participating in the princess push. Christian retail outlets like A Different Direction carry “God’s Girlz,” glamour dolls dressed in princess shirts and spandex with sparkling tiaras on their heads. St. Paul may have exhorted women to be modest in their dress, but many church-going girls proudly wear Christian-marketed clothing imprinted with messages like “Yes, I am a Princess.” The small print underneath — “I’m a daughter of the King” — is supposed to differentiate the sentiment from secular princess gear (never mind that the King’s firstborn declared himself not a prince but a servant of all.)
She was telling the truth, as can be seen below. These dolls are available here.
“Sarah’s name means “”Princess”". God’s Girlz are modest, yet fashionable, and packed with meaningful content designed to encourage thoughtful play.”
Grandparents and competitive spending
Published June 11, 2009 Parenting , economics , generations 2 CommentsOne topic we didn’t touch in The Narcissism Epidemic was the role of Grandparents. Grandparents have traditionally loved and even spoiled grandchildren, and we didn’t think to check if those trends had changed. According to a recent article, they have. Grandparents are reportedly competing with other grandparent to gain kids’ affection. That affection is paid for with fancy gifts. According to the Boston Globe:
And my, what a big spender you are, Grandma: 42 percent of all consumer spending on gifts is by grandparents, according to the survey. But we’re not just talking about Xboxes and DVDs here. The survey indicates that grandparents will spend $17 billion on education for their grandchildren this year, and more than $10 billion on clothing. Such expenditures have been rising for several years. Spending by grandparents on their grandchildren is up an average of 7.6 percent per year since 2000, the survey says.
and
It’s been called the “Grandparent Olympics.” One cutthroat grandfather who asked that his name not be used calls it the “grandparent wars – it’s a game you play for keeps.” No one keeps statistics on grandparents gone wild. But Susan Stiffelman, a licensed marriage, child and family therapist, says she regularly sees a “low-key desperation to be the most popular grandparent.”
7.6% increase/year? I don’t know if population etc. is controlled, but if so that is remarkable. It will be interesting to see how this grows as the percentage of Boomer grandparents increases.
Walking through any major chain store, I am amazed at the slogans on kids’ and babies’ t-shirts (basically, all the cluster B disorders minus borderline are represented). I finally saw a pro-social message on a shirt: “Helpful.” I looked at the tag and it turned out to be a retro shirt. I should have known. I looked online and found variations of the shirt in a few places.
My co-author of The Narcissism Epidemic, Jean Twenge, was interviewed for an AP story on the princess culture in young girls. I think this is an issue that raises a lot of questions and concerns, especially, as the article points out, now that the economy is heading south. I also thought there was a nice insight regarding focusing on the less materialistic, positive values of the princess role. I think this is worth a try.
“But what happens when our daughters get to adulthood and they realize that the world isn’t a fairy tale?” asks Morris, who lives in suburban Atlanta and insists she doesn’t mind imaginative play. She just wants her girls to strive for something beyond being “pretty and glamorous.”
The debate has been around for a long time, says Dr. Ken Haller, a pediatrician at Cardinal Glennon Children’s Medical Center in St. Louis. But as princess paraphernalia becomes all but unavoidable, he says he’s seeing more parents struggling with it and “questioning whether the princess message is a good thing.” . . . These days, that message begins practically at birth with everything from princess baby shirts and “her royal highness” bibs to princess-themed photo albums and picture frames for baby girls. By the time those girls are toddlers, many are drawn to the princess dresses, glittery crowns and even makeup.
The MSNBC version of the article is here.
Child Divas
Published April 14, 2009 Cosmetic procedures , Culture , Media , Parenting Leave a CommentJessica Bennett wrote a scary Newsweek article on what she calls the “high-maintenance generation”. This is a cultural shift involving children’s use of beauty and spa treatments in elementary school.
Girls today are salon vets before they enter elementary school. Forget having mom trim your bangs, fourth graders are in the market for lush $50 haircuts; by the time they hit high school, $150 highlights are standard. Five-year-olds have spa days and pedicure parties.
The article also points out the role of the media, especially reality TV, in driving this trend:
Reared on reality TV and celebrity makeovers, girls as young as Marleigh are using earlier, spending more and still feeling worse about themselves. Four years ago, a survey by the showed that, on average, women began using beauty products at 17. Today, the average is 13—and that’s got to be an overstatement. According to market-research firm Experian, 43 percent of 6- to 9-year-olds are already using lipstick or lip gloss; 38 percent use hairstyling products; and 12 percent use other cosmetics.
And there is also the role that finances play in all this (and I would guess credit as well):
according to a NEWSWEEK examination of the most common beauty trends, by the time your 10-year-old is 50, she’ll have spent nearly $300,000 on just her hair and face.
One of the big questions we have in the Narcissism Epidemic is: What will be the effect of the economic crisis on narcissism? Apparently, narcissism is still holding strong.
Joel Stein wrote a humorous column in Time this week examining his own narcissism, or lack thereof, as his NPI score is about average for his age. (I wasn’t terribly surprised by the average score, as this is the person who wrote a recent and decidedly non-narcissistic essay actually taking personal responsibility for his decision to purchase a tiny million dollar home in L.A. before the market dropped. How often do you hear that these days?) This column brought a few things to mind:
In terms of research questions: What are narcissism scores like in writers? And, can you tell a writer’s narcissism level from his/her writing in the same way that we can from Facebook pages, photos and email addresses? In other words, does narcissism “bleed through” into one’s writing? My guess is yes, but it probably depends of several contextual factors. I remember an old article I read in Psychology Today where the great writer John D. MacDonald took the MMPI for himself and two of his main characters, Travis McGee and Meyer. Apparently his personality profile was a lot more like the bookish Meyer than risk-taking McGee. But I haven’t seen any other studies since this one.
In terms of the culture more generally, Stein concludes:
There’s a reason we tell our kids they’re special and can do anything they want. A monolithic culture that puts a ceiling on personal expectations isn’t very interesting. One that celebrates differences and self-expression tolerates not only diversity but also the opportunity for individual greatness. Sure, that means some selfishness and entitlement and a few Tila Tequilas, but it also means greater freedom. And it’s a whole lot more entertaining.
I am all for telling kids that they can achieve if they work hard. I believe telling them they’re special and can do whatever they want, however, is not optimal. The problem with narcissism is that the goal is not achieving great things, but getting attention or being famous. “Great things” can be a means to this end, as can a sex tape.
I am also all for freedom, but narcissistic freedom is really immaturity in disguise. It does not include responsibility. That is the problem. Mature freedom includes responsibility.
Finally, the entertaining point is an interesting one. Narcissists are often entertaining, especially during initial interactions with them. Thus, at a cultural level you could predict that the entertainment landscape would be made up of a rapid sequence of narcissistic individuals. Each is entertaining, but only for a short while because there is little talent backing it up. Come to think of it, that is what we have. . . .
This is one I couldn’t have made up. Apparently you can now get fetal images expanded into artwork for your new baby’s nursery wall. I ran across this in Trendhunter magazine. Order your image here.
